Worth Mentioning - Blood, Guts, and TX BBQ

We watch several movies a week. Every Friday, we'll talk a little about some of the movies we watched that we felt were Worth Mentioning.

 

Cody accepted the invitation to come join Leatherface for a seventh time. 

TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D (2013)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre series has been a big part of my life since I was around 3 years old. I've shared the story on the blog before of how I had already seen the original TCM by the time I was in preschool, and rather than being terrified and disturbed by it, I loved it and was slightly obsessed with it. The same went for part 2, which I've written an Appreciation article for, and eventually part 3. There was a time in the early '90s when I would come home from grade school and watch the three TCMs every day. As Jay put it in his Appreciation for TCM '74, the movies integrated their way into my own dialogue and daily activity. I like all of the Texas Chainsaw movies in their own way; reverential respect for the original, a giddy love for the second, having fun with the rockin' slasher that is the third, being entertained by the fourth despite its flaws. I always dug its '06 prequel, but I was not happy with Platinum Dunes' '03 remake when it first came out, I was upset that it even existed. Over time, I've even come to enjoy that one on its own merits, and was able to accept it even more when news of this latest film first came out, with word that it would be ignoring the Dunes films and returning to the series roots' in the '74 original. I was bothered by that Thomas Brown Hewitt fellow when he replaced my beloved "Bubba"/"Junior" Sawyer Leatherface, but now that he's been locked into his own two movies... eh, he's alright.

As I told part 3 director Jeff Burr at the Fall 2012 Cinema Wasteland, I'm always interested in seeing more Leatherface. I was excited to be getting a new Chainsaw movie, and this morning I put on my TCM T-shirt and headed to the theatre to see the seventh movie in the franchise on opening day.

 

 

Texas Chainsaw 3D does indeed return to the '74 roots, the main titles appearing over stock footage from the original film. This is the closest I've managed to come to seeing TCM '74 on the big screen, so I was in awe during this sequence, being able to see some of the best moments and shots from the classic beautifully remastered and converted into 3D. As the title sequence ends, Sally Hardesty escapes from Leatherface, leaving the flesh-mask-wearing killer swinging his chainsaw wildly in the middle of the road... then the film proper begins, picking up later that same day.

 

The house from TCM '74 is recreated for the opening scenes of 3D, not perfectly - the land around it is a bit too desolate, a windmill is out of place, trees are missing - but impressively, with the abandoned Black Maria semi truck still sitting out front. As the events of the day play out, it becomes clear that this film is ignoring not just the remake but also the sequels to the original, making itself a new part 2. That's an approach not exactly unheard of in the series, 3 and 4 arguably did the same, aside from 4 begrudgingly including a reference to two other "minor, yet apparently related incidents" occurring between it and 1974.

Despite the fact that an angry mob makes sure that TCM2 couldn't have happened (in a bit that can't help but bring to mind The Devil's Rejects, since Rob Zombie's first two movies were so similar to TCM to begin with), there are some nods to that first sequel here - the family name first revealed in part 2, Sawyer, is retained, as is the full name of Jim Siedow's Cook character from 1 and 2, Drayton Sawyer. Drayton and Leatherface are no longer brothers, though. Instead, this film goes with the common misconception that Drayton is the father of Leatherface, here given the name Jedediah Sawyer.

In the role of Drayton Sawyer is Bill Moseley, who famously played Chop Top in part 2. Moseley isn't the only TCM alum who gets a small role, as John "Grandpa" Dugan, Gunnar "the first Leatherface" Hansen, and Marilyn "Sally Hardesty" Burns also turn up along the way.

As far as the vigilante mob can tell, no Sawyers survive the confrontation at the farmhouse... But one man and his wife do steal away from the scene with a member of the family, an infant child that they intend to raise as their own.

 

 

That baby grows up to be the film's heroine, and a very attractive young woman as played by Alexandra Daddario. In some recent 50 Years of 007 articles, I've talked about the fact that the idea of timelines and continuity is an obsolete concept when it comes to most film franchises. There have been so many remakes and reboots that it's pointless to worry about such things now, the days of fans sitting down to figure out dates and what happened when are pretty much over. So here, even though the original film's year of release is referenced in marketing materials, the fact that the events of that film occurred in 1974 has to be ignored along with the previous sequels and remakes. TCM 3D is set in October 2012, the month it was first meant to be released in, confirmed by a date on a tombstone, but our heroine is not thirty-eight years old, she's more around the actress's 25/26. Dates are meaningless now.
 

Baby Sawyer was raised Heather Miller, but she never felt right with the Miller family, and she clearly has some Sawyer traits - she's got a dark style, she works in the butcher shop of a grocery store, she makes artwork out of animal bones. Heather finds out she was "adopted" when she receives a letter notifying her that a grandmother unknown to her - a Verna Sawyer Carson - has passed away and she has inherited the woman's gated mansion in the small town of Newt, Texas.

One thing I greatly admire about TCM2 is that it's the only movie in the series that has taken a different approach to how its characters get mixed up with the murderous family. Every TCM other than that one follows a group of youths on a road trip. TCM3D does it again, as Heather and pals hit the road to check out her inheritance.

Seemingly subconsciously prescient of where her life will be going, Heather has surrounded herself with friends who are bottom of the barrel slasher fodder characters, an odd bunch who spews bad lines, tend to be ruled by their overactive hormones, are very pretty and buff, and make some really knuckleheaded decisions. Only one person who arrives at the mansion with Heather isn't a douchebag. The group is so unlikeable that it does make some things to come more understandable.

Heather herself shares the predilection Jessica Biel had in the remake for baring her midriff. The shirt she wears for part of the movie is cut a couple inches above her navel, and then when that shirt gets messed up and she's given a button down to put on, she only buttons it far enough to cover her chest. I don't mind. It looks even better when those top buttons are briefly opened as well.

Not much time has been spent at Grandma Verna's house before it's discovered that there's a dark family secret hidden in the home. Through the butler's pantry, down some stairs, inside the locked wine cellar, on the other side of a metal door, there's another surviving member of the Sawyer family. A cousin of Heather's. A man who wears a mask of human flesh and has a cupboard full of chainsaws... Dan Yeager does a fine job with his portrayal of Leatherface. He's not given the material to work with to make his Leatherface as memorable as some of his predecessors, but it's a solid performance and gave me a satisfying new fix of the character.

The trailer for 3D said, "It happened before. It's happening again," which I thought was a bad move, making the movie sound like a dull retread. But it is sort of accurate for a portion of the movie, where it hues too closely to things that happened in TCM '74. If you're familiar with the original film, you will know what's going to happen to some of these characters. This one gets hammered, this one gets hung on a meathook, this one pops out of a freezer.

It's when the group has been whittled down that some fresh life is breathed into the film, starting with a chase into a Halloween-themed carnival. It's a cool setpiece, though it didn't live up to my expectations. I was hyped up to see Leatherface cutting his way through the crowd, but his trip to the carnival turned out to be disappointingly bloodless and not very imaginative. Still, that did mark the point at which I began to enjoy the film more.

The story, assembled by a group of writers that included Jason Goes to Hell director/co-writer Adam Marcus, does have some interesting angles and takes some fun turns, but could've been even better if so much time hadn't been dedicated to paying homage to old gags. The dialogue certainly could've used an extra polish as well. I wasn't impressed by John Luessenhop's directing style, either, but it might have been somewhat limited by shooting in 3D.

 

 

TCM3D is a flawed movie. The elements were there that, if executed a bit differently, could've made for a much better film, but overall I did find it to be an enjoyable slasher with a fun third act. It far from lives up to the '74 original, but it was never going to do that, especially being a glossy 3D flick. It doesn't reach the levels of gleeful insanity TCM2 did, but that film is a unique beast. It's more along the lines of 3 and 4, but not as troubled as the latter. It will be joining the other films of the series in my collection, and I look forward to watching it again.

 

Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth (1992)

JANUARY 3, 2012

GENRE: SUPERNATURAL
SOURCE: STREAMING (NETFLIX INSTANT)

I'm pretty sure Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth was the first Hellraiser film I actually saw footage from, courtesy of a trailer that played (along with Dr. Giggles and Innocent Blood) before Pet Sematary 2 in August of 1992 (yes, I remember all of that, but can't remember my niece's birthday). I'm sure I had heard the titles, and I know I had seen photos in Fangoria because this movie was on the cover of the first issue I ever bought, but somehow the series had passed me by. I'm not sure when I actually saw it; sometime between then and the early 1996 release of Hellraiser: Bloodline.

And I'm pretty sure I haven't seen the whole thing since; I might have watched it again around when Bloodline came out but can't remember for sure, but even if so that means it's been at least 17 years (more than half my life!). That's mainly because it never got a proper DVD release - just full frame copies, and of dubious quality to boot. It was also an MPAA mangled film, and some of the footage has been restored but not all, and at different times, so there's even some question as to what cut you'll get should you find a copy (Echo Bridge has recently released it along with some of the other sequels) - 93 minutes seems to be the most complete that's legally available.

That sort of confusion is perfect for the movie itself, which starts off great and ends badly, to the extent that I wondered if two scripts were jammed together at the halfway point. Pinhead fans will disagree I'm sure, but the moment he is freed from the pillar and takes over the narrative (just over its halfway point), the movie turns to junk. The concept is interesting; basically Pinhead and his human form of Elliott Spencer have split, which means Pinhead is now completely evil and causing chaos for his own amusement, but all this means is that the movie turns into an FX showcase while Doug Bradley stands around cackling. You can really see the Elm Street influence here; it's "cool" to look at and Pinhead is making jokes (not as much as Freddy did, but he's certainly more "fun" than in the previous two entries), but doesn't have much to do with the original concept, and sure as hell isn't scary or suspenseful in the slightest.

But that's nowhere near as horrible as the new cenobites, all of which seem to have been designed during a stoned trip to Best Buy. One has CDs sliced into his head and also throws razor sharp discs at victims (I Come In Peace did it better!), and another has a video camera in his head and says things like "That's a wrap!" after killing someone. There's a scene where they charge down a street and kill a bunch of cops that seems lifted out of any random Terminator knockoff, and throughout that and just about every other scene in which they appeared I found myself wondering if Clive Barker had signed off on any of this nonsense. It's worth noting that this was the first Dimension release in the series, and while the Weinsteins were not involved as far as I know, it's certainly the beginning of the long, slow death of this series.

And it's a shame, because again, it starts off pretty great. The idea that Pinhead is trapped in a pillar of souls is interesting, and the human villain JP is tasked with supplying him with victims in order to be reborn - a fun spin on the original's plot. I also enjoyed the mystery angle, courtesy of heroine Terry Farrell as a reporter who saw a guy get torn apart by chains. Some of the later sequels took this route as well, so it's interesting to see its first incarnation, even if it ultimately results in getting to hear Pinhead's backstory (and reduces the need for Kirsty Cotton, who appears in a single throwaway shot). Granted, Pinhead's history has more built-in interest than say, Jason Voorhees, but still - it's common knowledge that the more you learn about your villain in any horror franchise, the less interesting/scary he is. The only benefit here is that it allows Doug Bradley to act a little more out of the makeup, giving the film some additional class as he's a pretty great actor. And I like the "split personality" concept, but the execution is hardly perfect, and is bogged down by the terrible new cenobites and unfortunate change of locale.

That's the other thing - this is an "American" production, unlike the original two British features. Director Anthony Hickox is from London, true, but it was shot in North Carolina, which in the 90s was what Louisiana is today - the go-to spot for shooting low budget horror movies. So the great atmosphere and architecture of Hellbound has been replaced with generic nightclubs and Anytown city streets, which doesn't help the movie any, especially in retrospect. Pinhead's makeup is fine, and this was one of the last big FX driven horror movies before CGI reared its pixel-y head, but this isn't an Evil Dead sequel - it's a Hellraiser movie. The story and themes should come first, and while there are some strong elements of both, it ultimately feels too separated from the others to measure up, and worse, now we can point at it to know exactly when things started to go wrong. I've long said that this is the one series that just gets weaker with each installment, but I think Bloodline might be a bit better than this; it's also messy, but nothing in it is as terrible as "Camerahead". Egads, man.

What say you?

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Anniversaries missed

When we talk about missed anniversaries, we tend to think of clueless husbands who can't remember the day they got married, and therefore suffer sleepless nights on the couch as their wives stew over their neglectfulness, until they inevitably win their redemption through some grand gesture, because their wives obviously aren't going to stay mad at them forever. (Run-on sentence intentional.)

But when it comes to movies, you can miss an anniversary not by letting it pass unnoticed, but by acknowledging it too soon. In this case, you "miss" it like you would miss a target.

As is the case with Texas Chainsaw 3D, releasing today, 39 years after the release of Tobe Hooper's original The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Why not just wait one more year and make it 40?

The answer: They want their cash grab, and they want it now.

Even considering these base motivations, I'd argue that you should just wait a year. You're still going to make the same amount of money in 2014 as you would in 2013, perhaps a little bit more due to increased ticket prices (which would probably cancel out increases in production costs). You're still going to find 3D about as popular as it is today. But you've got one thing going for you that you don't have in 2013: There may be some people out there who will find this cash grab slightly more legitimate because it comes on the 40th anniversary of the original movie.

Strangely, this series has a history of consummating prematurely. The first reboot of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was ten years ago in 2003 -- a year shy of the original's 30th anniversary. 

Look, you get an opportunity every five years to line up with some kind of anniversary. It needn't be something significant like the 25th or the 50th. The 15th or 35th will do in a pinch. Anyway, something to latch on to that seems to give the film an extra reason for being rebooted/re-released/unleashed on the world again in some form or another.

I understand not shooting for the anniversary if you are right in the middle of the five-year increments -- or will be once you finish the movie. If someone had thought up a 3D version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (because it obviously took a brilliant mind to devise such high art) in 2010, clearly you don't want to wait another four years before capitalizing on your sublime inspiration. But if you're only going to be one year away? Just sit on it for six months, and then start principal photography. 

I should say that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is not the only film series to blatantly miss an obvious anniversary date, and perhaps not even the most egregious example in the year 2013. Oz: The Great and Powerful, due out in March, will be coming out one year shy of the 75th anniversary of The Wizard of Oz. Just one year. Didn't anyone, anywhere, think of this? The 75th anniversary is also a pretty big deal, because at this point you can no longer get away with acknowledging anniversaries in increments of five years. No one talks about the 55th anniversary of something, or the 70th anniversary of something. That 75th anniversary would have been big.

Would have been.

I guess I have to admit that these things are imperfect. With both, or really all three, of the movies I've mentioned above, any delay in the production could have pushed the movie to that anniversary year. Perhaps they figured that they'd either go early, a pragmatic idea in any business venture, or experience delays and end up lining up with the anniversary, like they'd meant it all along. The worst would be to shoot for the anniversary year, but botch it and come out a year late.

Or most likely, they just didn't care about such things.

The only reason I care about such things, other than a general interest in numerology and a perverse desire to attach relevance to the financially-driven decision to reboot a movie series, is that there have been some examples of incomparable fortuitousness as it relates to the timing of these reboots/re-releases.

Let's take last year's 3D re-release of Titanic. Its release date was doubly fortuitous. Not only was it the centennial anniversary of the doomed ship's sinking, but it was also the 15-year anniversary of the film's initial release. And those anniversaries were even in a position to align in the first place because the movie came out 85 years after the ship sank.

Eighty-five is nobody's idea of some milestone anniversary, but it'll do in a pinch.

A Skylit Drive - Too Little Too Late Lyrics + Free MP3

Title : Too Little Too Late

Artist : A Skylit Drive

Album : Identity On Fire [2011]

Genre : Rock, Hardcore

Duration : 03:14

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You crowd around me on the floor
Staring and observing,
Seeing what I'm fighting for
It's not in you, not like this

I'm only seconds away from giving in
And I'm running out of time
Now I'm running away to free my mind
My mind

It's so like you,
Indiscretion is all you can be
Screaming to see what is in between
I've been to hell and back,
The quiet never lasts
It's not like you to take a risk

I'm only seconds away from giving in
And I'm running out of time
Now I'm running away to free my mind
My mind

With only seconds to go
as we leave this world
With only seconds to go,
Corrupt the kill

We test a world that is broken
Don't give in
The time slips through our fingers
It slips away
We test the words that are spoken
Don't give in
The final hour will linger
Too little, too late

We test a world that is broken
Don't give in
The time slips through our fingers
It slips away
We test the words that are spoken
Don't give in
The final hour will linger
Too little, too fucking late

You're too late
The time we spent is frayed
Gone away

I'm only seconds away from giving in
And I'm running out of time
Now I'm running away to free my mind
My mind

With only seconds to go
As we leave this world
With only seconds to go,
Corrupt the kill

We test a world that is broken
Don't give in
The time slips through our fingers
It slips away
We test the words that are spoken
Don't give in
The final hour will linger
It slips away

Music Video

A Skylit Drive - Carry The Broken Lyrics + Free MP3

Title : Carry The Broken

Artist : A Skylit Drive

Album : Identity On Fire [2011]

Genre : Rock, Hardcore

Duration : 01:24

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We are the lost
Ones unspoken
We are the few who carry the Broken
We are the one above the sun

Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

DECEMBER 12, 2012

GENRE: SURVIVAL
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (PRESS SCREENING)

It wasn't until after I had posted my daily "HMAD Today is..." tweet that I realized that this new movie had taken a cue from the Fast & Furious movies and was simply titled Texas Chainsaw 3D (actually the 3D isn't even on-screen, so it's just Texas Chainsaw), dropping the "Massacre" (and the "The", if you want to be anal) out entirely. It's kind of odd to drop the part of the title that promises the carnage and gore that modern audiences probably think the original had (spoiler: the only real gory moment is when the Hitchhiker cuts his hand), but also - perhaps inadvertently - solidifies the movie's seeming desire to only cater to audiences suffering from ADD or just general stupidity.

Because if you pay attention to things like plot, character arcs, or even the goddamn timeframe, you'll quickly realize what a mess this movie is. That last one is the weirdest; the movie begins with a supercut of the original film, followed by some "the next day" scenes where Sally's ramblings have led the police and an angry mob to the Sawyer house. Cook (now played by Bill Moseley) wants them all to be left alone, but one family member (played by Gunnar Hansen!) says they should just turn over Leatherface since it's all his fault they're in danger. Things go wrong, guns begin blazing, and before long all but one person in the house has been killed (yes, the one film in the series to actually feature a massacre is the one that drops that word from its title).

We then flash forward to 2012, where that one surviving baby is now 20 or so and played by the always lovely/welcome Alexandra Daddario. Now, there's no mystery at all to this - she has the burn scar that we saw on the infant, and moments after her introduction she learns that her grandmother has passed away and left her - the last of the family - a huge estate in Texas. Thus, you have the entire movie to wonder why she isn't close to 40 years old, since the original film (which again, they went to great pains to tie this one into, even having John Dugan return as Grandpa for a single shot) took place in 1973. But I guess we're supposed to forget about the year; while they reference the month/day over and over (August 19th appears on every news clipping and police report she finds, and the code to the front gate is "0-8-1-9"), the year is cropped out every time.

Now, obviously a modern horror sequel is not going to star a 40 year old woman, but why not just set the movie in 1993? None of the main characters seem to even own cell phones, and most of it takes place in this ancient estate or its immediate grounds; the only things that set it in the modern day are a supporting character's iPhone (in a mostly terrible sequence that at least has a fun payoff in the form of a callback to the original), the gas prices during the obligatory gas station scene, and a few other things that really could have been removed without it affecting the story at all. In other words, they somehow thought it made more sense to revise the history of the original film than to spend another 20 minutes or so on set dressing. Hell, I wasn't even aware it was supposed to be 2012 until we see the grandmother's tombstone, roughly 45 minutes into the movie - I figured the gas prices (the only "modern" touch until that point; even their car is an old van) was just an anachronistic mistake.

It's also sloppy with regards to its subplots, more than likely the result of rewriting (Grudge screenwriter Steven Susco is given a story credit, which means whatever script he had written was cannibalized by the credited writers) and even some reshoots. A major character just sort of wanders out of the movie at a crucial point, there's a very muddled explanation for the family lineage (there are Sawyers and Carsons - are they ALL murderous cannibals?), and most obnoxiously of all, there's a subplot that seemingly only serves to provide us a reason to dislike two of the protagonists. We learn early on that Daddario's boyfriend (Trey Songz) has been sleeping with her best friend (Lost's Tania Raymonde, basically playing the original's Pam - right down to the low angle butt shot), but Daddario herself never finds out about it, rendering the subplot completely worthless. I also didn't quite understand the hitchhiker stand-in - he has this grand scheme to rob the estate, but he hooked up with them before he even knew about it. What would he have done if they didn't happen to be making a detour?

Thus, as you might expect, it's not a movie one should think about too much, as they have trouble with even the basic elements of plot construction (Leatherface apparently teleports from a carnival back to his house at one point). And if you're able to "turn your brain off", it's at least an entertaining enough flick, if rather by the numbers until its final 10 minutes. The new Leatherface (who is the only villain this time; in seven films this is the first time he didn't have a family of weirdos surrounding him) is a step up from the Platinum Dunes version (and, it goes without saying, Next Generation's), making him the best since RA Mihailoff, and the gore scenes keep the CG to a minimum - there's a delightfully nasty waist-sawing that seems to be entirely practical, and he's got a fixation on cutting off hands and feet that I found amusing. Daddario is always fun to watch, and there are enough good supporting character actors to keep me entertained (Richard Riehle makes anything that much better, I think).

Also, while I won't go into specifics, I legit loved how somewhat insane the final scenes were. While some will balk I'm sure, I found it not only kind of ballsy but also in line with the first two sequels' emphasis on black humor and warped family values. I'm not a fan of "These sequels didn't happen" ret-conning (Drayton is killed in the shootout, so he certainly couldn't have been winning BBQ cook-offs in 1986, another instance where it seemed they were going out of their way to make it more confusing to an audience, especially since he's being played by a different actor who played another character!), but at least the filmmakers seem to respect them on some level - Moseley's casting seems to be evidence of that, and the new "Carson" name seems to be an homage to TCM2's screenwriter Kit Carson. That said, I was a bit bummed that there wasn't an opening text crawl (or one at the end, TCM: The Beginning style) - pretty sure that's a first for the franchise.

As for the 3D - eh. There are a couple of cool "comin at ya" shots with the chainsaw (including one at a carnival that follows the film's most ridiculously stupid but still fairly hilarious moment), but with most of the film taking place in cramped interiors or bland exteriors, director John Luessenhop doesn't really find much use for it - not a lot of depth to the shots, nor numerous objects to navigate around with the camera. There's a quick barn sequence that uses it well, and the bulk of the carnival scene has those long shots the format is best used for, but otherwise I never got the sense that the 3D was there for any other reason than the fact that when the movie was shot (in summer of 2011) it was the hip thing to do. In short, don't AVOID it, but don't go out of your way for it, either. Just pick your favorite theater and the most convenient showtime; if it happens to be in 3D, fine.

And that's actually sort of how I feel about the entire movie, actually. I didn't dislike it, but there wasn't a hell of a lot in there to make it a must-see, either. If you're a die-hard fan of the series as a whole, you'll probably be satisfied after a 6+ year absence of new Leatherface adventures, but I also think that time could have yielded something a bit more memorable, and with more effort. I also think that the lesson to be learned here is that Leatherface may be the most "awesome", but he needs a couple of his fellow Sawyers around to mix things up a bit and keep him from being just another generic giant killer.

What say you?

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2013 Horror/Genre Movie Preview: April - June

Here's part 2 of our 2013 Movie Preview, which covers April through June.

Keep in mind that movies will be added or removed from the schedule, and some may even be shuffled around... just ask Carrie; she moved from March to October, just like that!

Horror movies tend to get release dates later rather than sooner, so for now we'll just go with what we know is coming out, and adjust the Release Date List accordingly.

 

April 12th- Evil Dead- This movie REALLY has me all twisted up inside. On one hand, I consider it anathema to even attempt to remake this all-time classic fright flick, especially since the Ash in this one is not Bruce Campbell. Ash is to iconic just to re-cast and re-tool, IMO. Not real thrilled that Devil Coby was brought in to rewrite the script either, because she's just so annoyingly bad. As for the story... the whole "female Ash taking to the woods with friends to kick her drug habit" just makes me uneasy. I could go on, but you Horror fans already know what I'd say, because you're thinking it too. On the other hand, despite all of my instincts to the contrary, the trailer looks pretty damned good and it really does make me curious... Until April, I guess we'll just be hoping for the best and expecting the worst. Please let it not suck. Please.

April 12th- Scary Movie 5- Unlike the Evil Dead remake, there really is no hope at all for this movie. The trailer is painfully bad, and just knowing that Lindsay Lohan is involved gives us shivers of terror. No thank you.

April 12th- Oblivion- Say what you will about Tom Cruise -like"He's insane!" or "He's really insane!"- but the guy knows how to make some awesome action flicks. The trailer for this one didn't blow us away, but it looks interesting enough for us to give it a shot, especially with all of the gorgeous visuals on display. This one could end up being a lot of fun. We hope that it will.

April 26th- The Lords of Salem- Rob Zombie's got a lot to prove with this movie, at least as far as we're concerned. We loved 1000 Corpses and Rejects, and we thought Halloween was good for the most part, but he totally lost us with Halloween II and El Superbeasto, both of which we thought were terrible. Will Lords of Salem be a step in a  new direction for Zombie, or will it feel like a regurgitation of the same roads that he's traveled more than once in his Directing career? We hope it rocks, truly we do, but we're not holding our breath.

May 3rd- Iron Man 3- Unless you live under a rock, you know about this movie, and you know why it's going to be awesome. RDJ playing Tony Stark is a thing of beauty, and Marvel Superhero movies aren't painful to watch anymore; they're actually pretty damned good. This may be the movie to beat this summer, and really, it should be.

May 3rd- The Iceman- This movie looks so damned good, that it makes us want to slap our mama! Richard Kuklinski, the notorious mob hitman who claimed over 100 murders during his Iceman career, would have better been played by James Gandolfini in our opinion, at least visually, but Michael Shannon is a superb actor, and we're dying to see what he does with the part. This is easily one of our top 10 must see movies of 2013; we are absolute suckers for good mob movies. *On a side note, HBO made a terrific Documentary called The Iceman: Confessions of a Mafia Hitman, about Kuklinski and his life, and if you can find it out there on the Interwebs, you should check it out. It's haunting stuff.

May 17th- Stark Trek: Into Darkness- Everyone around here at THC has always been big fans of Star Trek... everyone except for me, that is. I always thought Star Trek, both on TV and in movie form, to be cheesy and lame. That's just me. The 2009 JJ Abrams helmed Star Trek movie changed my mind though. I loved that movie, and henceforth I'm really excited to see the sequel. I'm hoping it has Kahn in it.

May 17th- Black Rock- There's a funny little show on FX called The League, which we watch religiously around here. The League stars the Husband and Wife team of Mark Duplass and Katie Aselton. Mark wrote Black Rock, while wife Katie directed it. So, we're all sorts of intrigued... The trailer looks decent, although it looks as if it gave away most of the movie, but it is what it is. It also looks very reminiscent of one of our 2012 Midlin's, The Hike. Really reminiscent, lik eit's just about the same story. Still, the chance to see Lake Bell and Katie Aselton huddle together naked will not be lost on us.

June 14th- Man of Steel- Much like Star Trek, I've never really cared for Superman at all; he's just too powerful, and henceforth he's never really come across as very compelling to me. The trailers for Man of Steel have absolutely got me in tizzy though, and I think that this is the year where I change my stance on Supes for good. It looks like it's going to be a great movie, and I can not wait to see what Henry Cavill does in the titular role.

June 21st- World War Z- Ugh. The book World War Z by Max Brooks (comedy legend Mel Brooks' kid) was a truly amazing read, and we were ecstatic to see that they were making a movie out of it... but then we caught wind of the plot, and the fact that the movie was going to be nothing like the book, and we were distressed. Then we saw the trailer. We're really not sure what this movie is going to end up playing like, but we're not too optimistic; huge on set issues, re-writes, release date delays... this could be the biggest misstep at the box office in 2013. We hope it wont be, but it it is, we'll always have the book. *If you haven't read the book, you really should. It's good stuff.

June 28th- Kick Ass 2- We loved Kick Ass, and we're all for seeing its sequel. Chloe Moretz has aged since the last movie, so that means Hit-Girl will look more like and adult than a kid, but that's a minor concern. It's just gonna be a fun time, nothing more, nothing less, and honestly, we're all for it. Even with Jim Carrey involved.


We'll be back soon with our look at the movies of July- Spetember...

Fighting the SPAM...

I had to put word verifications, aka the dreaded CAPTCHA, on the comment section for now. We're getting too many SPAM comments and it's making me ornary.

The SPAM will stop in a few days and I'll remove them, because I know it sucks having to do a Captcha every time you want to comment.

Do spammers honestly expect their Broken-English ramblings to work on people these days? 

Bear with us, and silently curse all spammers along with us, would you?

Thanks.

A Return To Salem's Lot (1987)

JANUARY 2, 2013

GENRE: VAMPIRE
SOURCE: STREAMING (AMAZON ONDEMAND)

I can't believe it's been over three years since I watched It's Alive 3, which was the last Larry Cohen movie I reviewed for the site. It's also been about as long since I watched Salem's Lot, which I was mainly watching specifically to prepare myself for A Return To Salem's Lot, Cohen's more or less in-name only sequel that he made back to back with the aforementioned It's Alive entry. You'd think that since I'm watching these things every day that it wouldn't take nearly four years to get around to something I wanted to watch, but that's how it goes. I still haven't seen the first movie on the recommendation thread, either, and that's over FIVE years old!

That said, I actually caught some of this one when I was about 8 or 9. My memory is (shocker!) hazy, but if it's right, then my mom and I were killing time waiting for my dad to come home from work so we could drive up to Maine (we went to a family campground there on weekends during the summer), and she wanted to watch because she was a fan of the original (which I hadn't seen). And being me, I fell asleep a lot, and would wake up and get updates what was going on. Thus, obviously I didn't remember much of it, but I distinctly remembered the bit where two vampire kids (and I mean kids, they're like 10) get married, and had a general idea that it was about a kid who turned into a vampire and his dad was trying to save him.

Anyway, as with It's Alive 3, the movie isn't great but coasts rather easily on the presence of Michael Moriarty, once again playing a guy who seems to have stepped in from another movie entirely. Most of the acting here is pretty bad (the kid playing his son in particular is a grating, atrocious presence), but Moriarty is so damn fun to watch I only really noticed that and the movie's other flaws during those moments where he wasn't on-screen. Much like Kurt Russell's enhanced awesomeness when he's in a John Carpenter movie, there's something about him that just clicks when he's working on a Cohen film, and I was pretty bummed to discover that this is the last of their features together (he appeared in Cohen's Masters of Horror episode, which I still haven't seen - now I think I should savor it like a scotch). Maybe it's just bad luck on my part, but the other films I've seen him in, he never seems to be as wonderfully off-kilter and hilarious as he is with Cohen.

And that's a big benefit to the films, because a lot of them are sloppy, and this is no exception. If ADR was never invented then this film would be completely incoherent, as roughly half of the exposition seems to have been put in later, "spoken" by characters who aren't on-screen (or if they are, their lips aren't moving - some sort of telepathy?). There are some truly clunky action beats too - early on, a car full of punks drive through the town, and the vamps descend upon and kill three of them while a cop tells the fourth how to get away. Then there's a weird cut and suddenly she's being held in a different area by a few people, including the cop that just tried to help her! There's also a shootout near the end (in a vampire movie?) that seems to have been assembled from the parts of the footage the editor intended to throw away.

The pacing is also funky; it's difficult to grasp on how much time has gone by since Moriarty and his son arrived in town, another source of confusion. There's a scene where Moriarty asks his son if he got laid the previous night (their relationship is more like estranged brothers), and it comes after a scene where that seemed to have been the case - but the information in between suggests those moments were at least weeks apart, since the kid is now in school and they've made some good progress fixing up their dump of a home. Most of the movie takes place during the day (it's one of those movies where the vampires aren't privy to many of the rules, which I suspect is just a way to work around having to shoot everything at night), so there aren't a lot of real scare moments either - most of it revolves around Moriarty chatting with the vampires, his son, or the girl he loved as a boy, who thanks to vampire magic is the same age but still sleeps with him. That, and the son being torn between being a human with his dad who he hates or being a vampire where his girlfriend is Tara Reid - if he could only see 20 years into the future, his choice would be easy.

Oh, and don't go looking for connection to the original; he inherited the house from his aunt Clara, and at first I assumed she was a character in the original (again, it's been years, I can barely remember the hero's name!), but then she showed up, not dead but a vampire, so I looked it up and discovered there was no "Clara" in either the book or movie. Nor was his girlfriend a returning character - apart from the name of the town (which looks completely different, of course) there's no connection at all. King gets a "based on" credit, and both films are from Warner Bros, so I'm not sure why they opted not to make even a few minor connections for the fans' sake - it's not like a movie with RETURN in the title is aiming for a new audience.

But there's some stuff here I like, particularly the idea that they brought Moriarty there because he was a documentary filmmaker who specialized in unusual cultures (the movie opens with him filming a tribe that practices human sacrifice) and thus wouldn't judge their ways, which are mostly peaceful. They raise cattle and such to feed on, saving human kills for special occasions, and have no desire to take over the world or any of that - they're all pretty chill living in their town. Moriarty is tasked with writing a Bible for them, and they don't even want it published in his lifetime - they suggest 200 years later!

And for once Moriarty has an equally colorful co-star: Samuel Fuller (yes, the White Dog/Shock Corridor director) as an old Jewish guy who fancied himself a Nazi hunter. He doesn't enter the story properly until it's more than half over, but he adds immensely to the proceedings, and has great chemistry with Moriarty - it's a shame the terrible kid playing the son has to break it up. I also couldn't help but wonder if Guillermo Del Toro and/or Chuck Hogan had seen the movie, as he's funnier but otherwise very similar to their character Setrakian from "The Strain".

Overall, however, there's not much here to recommend to anyone that isn't already a Cohen fan (apologist?), as it's one of his lesser efforts and is dragging down a known property to boot. It manages to be better than most of the other King sequels (i.e. the Children of the Corn and Mangler followups), but that's saying absolutely nothing. Maybe TNT can remake this one someday too, get it right.

What say you?

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Tren yang Bakal Booming di 2013

Sekarang sudah awal tahun 2013, dunia akan menyambut tahun baru 2013. Setiap tahun pasti akan ada tren baru dan biasanya akan 'meledak' alias booming. Hal-hal apa saja yang akan meledak di 2013. Berikut ini adalah tren yang diperkirakan bakal terjadi di 2013 seperti dilansir inc, Sabtu (15/12/2012):


1. Sekolah online

Andy Hines, seorang dosen di University of Houston melihat peluang program pendidikan online untuk mengambil sertifikasi profesi atau mendapatkan gelar bagi orang-orang yang gagal menyelesaikan kuliahnya.


2. Cek kesehatan 24 Jam dalam sepekan (24/7)

Kesadaran orang untuk memperhatikan kesehatannya semakin tinggi. Meski begitu banyak yang tak suka kalau harus datang memeriksakan diri ke laboratorium atau dokter. Yang dicari adalah alat-alat kesehatan yang bisa dipakai kapan saja.

Penjualan alat-alat atau perangkat kesehatan digital seperti cek tensi, gula darah, HB atau alat-alat olahraga diprediksi akan makin berkembang di tahun depan.


3. Warna biru akan jadi tren

Pantone Color Institute memperkirakan warna yang akan mendominasi koleksi fashion atau industri mode di 2013 adalah Monaco Blue.

"Warna ini bermakna stabilitas dan mendalam. Orang-orang akan menjadi lebih bijaksana (karena masih krisis ekonomi) sehingga mereka mencari warna klasik yang dapat diandalkan," kata Leatrice Eiseman, direktur eksekutif Pantone Color Institute.

Menurutnya, setelah krisis ekonomi terlewati baru warna-warna terang dan berani akan kembali disukai.


4. Film-film robot akan gantikan zombie dan vampire

Setelah disuguhkan dengan film-film drakula yang menghisap darah atau Zombie yang memakan otak, saatnya film-film robot beraksi lagi.

Dalam beberapa bulan lagi akan muncul film-film robot yang dimulai dengan film Robopocalypse yang dibikin sutradara kondang Steven Spielberg's.


5. Akan Ada 1,2 miliar Smartphone & Tablet di 2013

Siapa sebenarnya peminat smartphone dan tablet PC? Jika Anda menjawab remaja, maka Anda salah. Ternyata peminat utama dua perangkat yang tengah naik daun itu adalah kaum pebisnis. Ya, menurut perusahaan riset teknologi Gartner, para pekerja dan pebisnis adalah kalangan yang paling banyak membeli smartphone dan tablet PC. Bahkan diperkirakan akan ada 1,2 miliar perangkat tablet dan smartphone terjual pada 2013 mendatang.

“Budaya konsumerisme yang melanda dunia teknologi informasi tidak dapat dihentikan lagi,” komentar perusahaan tersebut. Kombinasi penjualan smartphone dan tablet PC menguasai 70% dari keseluruhan perangkat yang terjual pada 2012. Diperkirakan hingga akhir tahun ini total penjualannya mencapau 821 juta unit.

Baik smartphones maupun tablet tidak akan menggantikan PC secara keseluruhan, namun popularitas dan efektifitas kedua perangkat tersebut telah mengubah cara orang menjalankan bisnis dan pekerjaannya,” komentar Carolina Milanesi, salah satu analis Gartner. Peningkatan penggunaan sistem operasi Android akan terus meningkat. Dibayangi oleh iOS, dan Windows 8. RIM dari BlackBerry. Bahkan pada 2016 bisa jadi Windows 8 akan berada di posisi ketiga setelah iOS dan Android.

Gartner juga memprediksikan bahwa 66% pekerja mobile akan memiliki smartphone-nya sendiri pada tahun 2016. Lebih dari setengah smartphone tersebut akan berbasis Android.

Perangkat berbasis Android dan iOS telah menjadi perangkat utama yang dipakai untuk keperluan bisnis, bahkan mengalahkan BlackBerry. Penjualan tablet pada 2012 ini akan mencapai 13 juta unit, dan akan menjadi tiga kali lipat pada 2016.

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8 Hal yang Bisa Dipelajari dari Kegagalan Hubungan di Masa Lalu

Putus dari sang mantan kekasih bukanlah akhir dari segalanya. Justru ada banyak hikmah yang bisa diambil dari gagalnya suatu hubungan. Belajar dan mengaca dari kegagalan di masa lalu untuk mendapatkan hubungan yang lebih baik di ke depannya itu sangatlah penting.
Di bawah ini ada delapan hal penting yang harus dipelajari agar berhasil dalam hubungan selanjutnya.

1. Kuncinya adalah komunikasi

Hal terpenting yang harus dipelajari dari kegagalan hubungan sebelumnya adalah masalah komunikasi. Dengan siapa pun Anda membina hubungan jika tidak terjalin komunikasi yang baik dalam suatu hubungan pasti akan hancur juga. Jika dalam hubungan sebelumnya, sering kali terjadi kesalahpahaman itu berarti Anda harus melatih kemampuan dalam berkomunikasi dan mengutarakan pendapat. Jika Anda mampu berkomunikasi dengan baik terhadap pasangan, dijamin hubungan selanjutnya pasti akan berhasil. Tentu, Anda tak mau mengulang kesalahan yangs ama bukan?

2. Saling menghormati antar pasangan

Pelajaran yang harus kita petik dari gagalnya hubungan di masa lalu adalah soal saling menghormati. Anda harus menghormati pasangan Anda, begitu juga sebaliknya. Apabila kegagalan di masa lalu disebabkan oleh rasa kurang saling menghormati, sebaiknya Anda segera mengambil tindakan. Buang jauh-jauh sifat buruk tersebut dan belajar untuk menghormati pasangan Anda. Tentunya jika ingin dihormati dan dihargai, Anda juga harus memulai untuk menghormati dan menghargai pasangan terlebih dahulu.

3. Memiliki persamaan sifat dan latar belakang

Meskipun tidak mungkin mengencani seseorang yang mirip betul dengan Anda atau seperti tiruan Anda, namun menjalin hubungan dengan pria yang memiliki persamaan sifat dan latar belakang ternyata bisa membantu lancarnya suatu hubungan. Satu hal yang dapat dipelajari dari hubungan masa lalu, adalah ternyata memiliki tujuan untuk masa depan dan rencana membina sebuah keluarga adalah penting. Jika tidak, mungkin kamu tidak akan bisa sejalan selama menjalin hubungan.

4. Belajar melepaskan masa lalu

Bisa jadi ini adalah hal tersulit, yaitu melepaskan segala sesuatunya di masa lalu. Bisa kenangan, barang pemberian mantan, tempat-tempat dimana kita pernah berkencan dengan mantan, dll. Namun, di balik semua itu Anda harus belajar untuk mengikhlaskan semuanya pergi. Sama hal nya ketika Anda mengikhklaskan kepergian mantan dari sisi Anda. Jangan lagi menengok ke belakang apalagi membanding-bandingkan hubungan di masa mendatang dengan hubungan di masa lalu. Bukan perkara yang sulit kan?

5. Memaksa pasangan untuk menjadi seperti yang Anda inginkan

Ketika Anda menjalani suatu hubungan. satu hal yang dapat dipelajari agar tidak terjadi kegagalan lagi ialah jangan pernah memaksa pasangan untuk bersikap seperti yang Anda inginkan. Apa Anda ingin pasangan berpura-pura menjadi baik dan tampil manis di depan orangtua Anda, padahal kenyataannya pasangan Anda ialah pribadi yang brengsek. Itu akan sulit terjadi. Percayalah! Jadi biarkan dia tampil apa adanya.

6. Adanya kerja sama dalam menjalankan hubungan

Hubungan itu dilakukan oleh dua orang, bukan seorang saja. Harus ada upaya bersama antara Anda dan pasangan untuk membuat hubungan yang sedang dijalankan itu berhasil. Hal ini merupakan pelajaran yang bisa dipetik dari kegagalan hubungan di masa lalu. Masihkah Anda mau memikul semua beban hubungan ini sendirian? Tentu diperlukan kerjasama yang baik antara Anda dan pasangan.

7. Jangan mengubah sifat pasangan

Tips yang satu ini masih berkaitan dengan tips nomor 5. Bukan hanya memaksa seseorang untuk menuruti keinginan Anda, tapi Anda juga tidak berhak mengubah sifat pasangan. Semakin cepat Anda mempelajari tips-tips ini, akan semakin baik untuk hubungan Anda ke depannya. Tentu Anda tidak ingin menghabiskan sisa waktu Anda dengan mengencani pria yang sudah jelas-jelas tidak dapat dibubah pendiriannya maupun sifatnya bukan?

8. Mengalah dalam situasi tertentu

Akhirnya, pelajaran terakhir yang harus dipetik dari kegagalan hubungan di masa lalu ualah mencoba mengalah ketika situasi mulai memanas. Misalnya, apabila pasangan Anda sedang marah atau kecewa, terkadang emosinya pasti memuncak. Bahkan, untuk bicara baik-baik saja rasanya sulit, yang ada hanya teriakan penuh amarah. Ini adalah saatnya Anda dan pasangan harus menenangkan diri masing-masing, jangan memaksakan bicara jika masih dalam keadaan emosi. Semua ada waktunya, apabila keadaan sudah tenang barulah membicarakan masalah masing-masing.


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Malaysia Juga Terendam Banjir, 14 Ribu Orang Mengungsi

Kuala Lumpur, - Bencana banjir juga melanda Malaysia. Bahkan hampir 14 ribu orang terpaksa meninggalkan rumah-rumah mereka dan mengungsi ke tempat-tempat pengungsian.

Banjir yang dipicu oleh hujan deras ini merendam ratusan rumah di tiga negara bagian Malaysia, yakni Terengganu, Pahang dan Kelantan. Saat ini, sekitar 13.746 orang ditampung di pusat-pusat evakuasi. Demikian diberitakan kantor berita resmi Malaysia, Bernama seperti dilansir AFP, Rabu (26/12/2012).

Menurut Bernama, hujan diperkirakan akan kembali turun. Kondisi banjir saat ini memburuk. Para pengungsi terus berdatangan ke pusat-pusat evakuasi. Sejumlah jalan besar di Pahang pun ditutuo karena adanya sungai-sungai yang meluap.

Dikatakan Muhammad Helmi Abdullah, direktur departemen perkiraan cuaca, hujan kemungkinan akan kembali turun di Terengganu, Pahang dan Johor selatan dalam beberapa hari mendatang.

Menurut Helmi, musim hujan ini akan berlangsung hingga Maret dan negara-negara bagian yang terkena banjir kemungkinan bakal kembali mengalami hujan lebat sebanyak tiga kali.

Sementara itu dilaporkan, seorang wanita berumur 36 tahun tewas tenggelam setelah dirinya terpeleset dan terseret ke sungai yang meluap di negara bagian Terengganu pada Selasa, 25 Desember.

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