Creature (2011)

This is definitely a direct to DVD movie, so how in the hell did it get into theaters?
*In theaters now Creature was one of those flicks that was kinda fun and could have been a whole lot better, but was mostly a jumbled mess that left us cold. It was an odd one for us. For as "not good" as the movie is, it's amazing to us that it got a theatrical release, when so many great indie horror flicks barely ever see the light of day aside from being dumped on DVD. We do not understand.

"Aw hell no, here come the script!"
Creature tells the all to familiar story of a group of twenty-somethings that head into the backwoods to party, piss off some locals, get duped into a bad situation, lose cell phone service, get drunk and high, have sex, and wander off alone and are picked off one at a time by a...creature. When I say creature, I mean a guy in a funny rubber suit, who kinda looks like Louis Gosset Jr. from Enemy Mine.

That's the plot. You've seen it tons of times before, and done tons better. It was very reminiscent of the House of 1000 Corpses plot, except this one has a crazy inbred family guiding a group of morons to a monster instead of a Dr. Satan.

It even has Sid Haig basically reprising his Captain Spaulding gig...
The problem with Creature is that it has no clue where it's going in the 2nd half of the movie, and aside from some good T&A, it doesn't give us much to chew on along the way. It tries to be witty, but it's not. We see very little blood and gore on camera, which could have been its saving grace had they bloodied things up a bit. Or a lot. As bloodless as they were, the "fight" scenes were on the cheesy side too.

The cast is a mixed bag; Sid Haig is always fun as hell to watch. The guy was born in 1939, and he's still on screen kicking ass, and looking nowhere near 72 years old. Eggs from True Blood (Mehcad Brooks) was good too, as a bad ass Navy Seal who actually kinda saves the day. The girls were hot, and all played their parts as well. The rest were fair to middling. I can't figure out what Pruitt Taylor Vince was doing in this movie. Maybe his Nephew was the key grip or something. The main problem was the regurgitated story and the not so hot script, which gave the actors little to work with.

He could be a marine, but I swear I heard them say Navy Seal.
There were a few scenes that delivered, such as the opening scene which gave us the only good gore of the movie. The slut tied to the chair was interesting too, but that's about it.

If the movie got one thing right, it's that he nudity was plentiful; we get one chick full naked (bush and all) taking a swim in a swamp; the group slut flashing, the group slut getting the group goody-goody naked and trying to bang her, the group slut giving a hand job to some guy while they watch another couple bang... there's no shortage on the T&A. At least there was that.

At least she's handy... zing!
The Master Says- D+ The only reason that this movie wasn't a "Do Not Want" was because of the naked chicks, Sid Haig and Eggs. Aside from those positives, the rest of the affair was bland, mostly bloodless, confusing and uneventful. Don't even get us started on the ending(s)... One of which happened in a hole, off camera, and another which was meant to surprise, but just made no sense. Pay for it in theaters if you want -some horror peeps will probably have fun with it- but for most of us this is a "wait for cable" kind of movie. Even then, you will most likely flip the channel.

Final Thoughts- More hotties from Creature can be found below...