DO NOT WANT- Bunnyman (2011)

"Oh, poster that I thought looked cool, how you deceived me!"

After sitting through 20 minutes of what may be the worst car chase in the history of motion pictures, featuring an ominous truck that honked 23 times to inspire terror in its victims, and a group of annoying-as-hell characters despairing over what to do about said truck, I though to myself "Hey self, isn't this supposed to be a slasher flick?"

The bad news is that yes, it is a slasher flick. The even worse news is that as a slasher flick, it's ridiculous.

Remember the shoestring budgeted, cinematic shit-piles that were the slasher flicks of the early 80's? You know the ones that were seldom good movies, but always delivered where it counted; gore, kill scenes, and hot naked chicks. The Prowler, Happy Birthday to Me, House on Sorority Row.. they weren't great films per se, but they were gritty and delivered the goods that a good slasher flick should. Slasher films these days just don't quite measure up in that same way, now do they?

Yep, this is what passes as a "new horror icon"... when you buy quotes from crappy websites that are near impossible for Google to locate. It's on the poster, look for yourself.

Bunnyman is the story of a group of asshole 20-somethings driving around on back-roads eagerly heading somewhere, when they piss of some creepy inbred locals, and end up learning why you never drive back roads and piss off inbred locals. Yes, you have seen the same exact plot 500 times before, and no, this time is not better than any of the times before.

After cutting off a skanky looking dump truck with blacked out windows, and a harrowing (LOL) 20 mph pursuit through the back roads of Asscrack, Virginia, our car full of assholes decides to pull over to escape the mystery drivers wrath, only to have the evil truck follow them. Then, after arguing about how no one is sure what to do, they decide to "wait him out." Seriously. The guy just tried to kill them with his truck , albeit at 20 mph, and they decide to sit in he car until he leaves. For hours.

"Not gonna be nice? We'll wait."
The truck does leave, only to drive them off the road again later on, which prompts the characters to sit and stare out of the windows for what seems like another few hours... Then the truck comes back, hits the bumper of the car, and leaves again! What is going on in this movie!

This movie features some of the dumbest characters I've seen in a long time,, doing some of the stupidest things I've seen in a long time. For 50+ minutes they meander around slowly, and I mean slowly, and go on and on about not knowing what to do. When one of them dies? Meh. They walk slowly down the road, emotionless and unaffected. Then they take a nap, after which they wake up cracking jokes. Who wrote this shit?

"I can't believe Tom's dead... what a day! LOL!"
The Bunnyman shows up eventually, and the slasher movie truly begins... to suck even more! (Ha! I made a funny.) The Bunnyman as it turns out is a part of...wait for it... some quirky and creepy inbred family, who just happen to love killing passers by... do you see where this is going? Good. I don't want to remember it enough to recall it to you anymore.

The Master Says- Bunnyman comes off as goofy as opposed to... whatever it was supposed to come off as I guess. Even the old go-to of slasher flicks, the kills, are lackluster. Most are implied or partially shown, and aside from some spraying blood here or there, offer us nothing exciting to redeem the rest of the movie's flaws. The acting is plain old bad, the story is tired and stale, and the movie is about as tension filled as a broken rubber band. We just can't want this one.