Before we start with the movies, it's time for us to give some love to our favorite horror movie fixtures: the Hotties. Sure, some may say they're just window dressing, or pretty faces with dirty bodies, but we say yes, you're absolutely right. Who doesn't love innocent Final Girls with hot asses? Who amongst us can discount a girl with fantastic boobs just because they might suck at acting? And really, don't misguided sluts make the world a better place? Yes. The answer is yes. So celebrate with us the nakedness, bad behavior, girl kissing, random sex, and and dirty whore-like mouths that make our horror world creepy in a whole different way.
Eyes or jugs? I dare you to decide which one of them is the more perfect feature on this girl. Her boobs are like 2 massive scoops of dirty vanilla ice cream, and her eyes are crystal clear pools of blue sin. Bereavement was a great movie all on it's own, but the curvy brunette hotness of Alexandra definitely made it that much better.
And yes, we are excited to see Leatherface 3D next year, just because of her. You just know she'll be running around all sweaty in a dirty wife beater, fighting for her sexy life, and that just can't be a bad thing... even if the thought of a TCM movie in "3D' makes us sad. She goes topless, all is forgiven.
We're not completely sure, but we think she just dropped the "Amber" from her name, as her IMDB page just say Marie now. Hmm... Until this mystery is cleared up, we will call her The Bollinger Girl. It's just what we have to do.
Anywho, just look at her face. Just look for a minute... Eyes, pretty. Nose, cute. Lips, full and wet (?), even a cleft in the chin. She's got that perfect kind of face that makes her able to rock the short haircut, and that's not easy to pull off for a lot of women. Still though there's something else on that face that is better than everything else... she has a cleft in her lip! We'd run backwards with a greased ass through a field of dicks for one kiss from those lips. Not even a dirty one. A peck. Lip cleft, okay? Lip cleft.
She's definitely a horror girl too, which is the best part. Pelt, Hell-O-Ween, Panman... all low budget, but one of these days she's going to get scooped up for a bigger budget flick and all hell's gonna break loose. I said it here first. If you aren't familiar with her, just check this video out. There's so much sexiness happening in this video, that we lose focus and black out about halfway through... I'm pretty sure The Bollinger Girl is kissing her own leg at one point, I don't even know. Anywho, much love.
Danielle Harris really should be everyone's Hottie of the Year, because is there any hot girl who shows up in more horror flicks than she does? Stake Land, Hatchet II, Cyrus, The Victim, Chromeskull, Devil's Night... She is this generations Jamie Lee Curtis, only way hotter. she a busy girl.
She's kinda like a dirty pixie. A dirty, murderous pixie who looks good in skimpy clothes and covered in blood. Seriously, isn't she like 4'9 or something? Don't get it twisted, tiny or not, we're not fucking with her, because she's creepy. Creepy in a good way though. We look forward to seeing her in about 15 more movies in 2012.
This girl makes us want to be a lesbian. I mean she's basically the quintessential smoky hot blonde, isn't she? We admire the fact that she hates penis, because we do too (even our own.)
Amber Heard has been showing up in horror flicks for year snow, going all the way back to the awesome All the Boys Love Mandy Lane in 2006. This year, she gave us The Ward, which was mediocre at best, and the insanely fun Drive Angry 3D, which didn't get the love it deserved. Nic Cage having sex during a gun fight and Amber Heard walking around in a skimpy shirt and cut off shorts, how is that not brilliant?
Sure, Red Riding Hood sucked, and In Time was Sci-Fi and pretty much sucked, but good lord have you seen this girl? Not only is she gorgeous, but she may have the best tits of all damn time.
There's really not much else to say here. I guess we could mention that she's coming out in a horror-thriller next year called Gone, but really, she's here because of the tittahs. She shows them in all of their naked glory in the creepy lesbian stalker movie, Chloe. You're welcome.
And that's that. Now go rent all of their movies.
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