Sweeping up, Part 4 of 6

We've seen a ton of movies in 2011, reviewed a bunch of them, and yet we still have so many that we never talked about. There's plenty of reasons as to why we don't review certain movies; sometimes we're lazy, sometimes we don't have much to say that tons of other sites haven't said already, and sometimes we just get tired of sounding negative.

So with 2012 rapidly approaching, we're going to take a quick look at some of the movies of 2011 that we've ignored.

These are going to be quick and fairly to the point, although in all fairness, our points may suck. Then again, our points seldom suck.

The Woman- Oh boy, here's the movie that caused so much uproar at Sundance; you remember, people were freaking out, passing out and getting sick because it was just so emotionally draining on them? LOL, pussies.

The Woman is about a wild, feral, woods-dwelling woman, who is found and captured by some guy, locked in his bar, and kept there like a pet. A rape pet.

You see, the guy who found her is an average ordinary rural Dad type, aside from the fact that he's a creepy sociopath who love rape and torture. People have called this movie misogynistic, and really it's anything but. If anything, The Woman is about evil men getting what they deserve, and a strong woman giving it to them. It's basically female empowerment.

And yes, this movie is pretty violent and nasty. In that respect, I can see the pretentious whiners in the Sundance audience having a point. Still, pussies LOL.

The Master Says- A Rough, bloody, creepy and disturbingly graphic, Lucky McKee has crafted a solid little horror flick for fans of the genre to both love and revile. I mean, how can we not love nipples being pulled off with pliers, and faces being chewed off out of pure rage? That's pretty much the stuff we live for.

Apollo 18- From the first time we saw the trailer for this one, it absolutely piqued our interest. A found footage flick based on the moon... it has to be interesting, right? Meh.

We, the audience, are treated to a viewing of decades old NASA footage that was never revealed to the general public until now, and it shows us exactly why we humans never returned to the moon.

It's slow, fairly uneventful, the characters did some things that made little sense, and the found footage aspect of it all felt forced. It had a few tense moments, but that doesn't excuse the res for being so dull.

We get to see the "Moon Menace" for about 10 seconds, and once we do, we remember why bad CGI is so... well, bad. And the ending...

One person on IMDB said it the best: "In space, no one can hear you yawn."

The Master Says- D This one could have been better if the script had been tighter and contained some actual horror , but as it stands, Apollo 18 was a pretty big let down. Lots of people seemed to have liked it. That's cool, it wasn't truly horrible, it just kinda sucked. It needed a bit more spice. We love a subtle, slow burn, but this one just didn't burn quite hot enough for us.

Fright Night- It didn't suck. It wasn't as fun as the original, but then again the original holds a special place in our hearts for nostalgia's sake alone, but it didn't suck. That's saying a lot.

You all know the story; Charley lives next door to Jerry, a Vampire, he decides he has to stop his murderous behavior, Peter Vincent is reluctant to help him kill it, his girlfriend is way too hot for him and nearly bangs Jerry... It's just about exactly the same as the original.

The differences are interesting. Colin Farrell is pretty good as Jerry. He's more of a bad boy vampire in this one than the original, and it works well with the times. Anton Yelchin is... Anton Yelchin. We aren't sure whether or not we like him, but he was alright here, though he's no William Ragsdale (at least in this role.) Peter Vincent, Roddy McDowall was better in the original, but David Tennat was pretty good too. Way different though. And the best part about the remake: Imogen Poots. Man is she a smoking hot upgrade over the way-too-mannish Amanda Bearse.

The Master Says- B Much like this year's other big remake of The Thing, Fright Night was actually pretty decent. It forgoes the goofy kitsch of the original in favor of a bit of a harsher, more "realistic" feel, but it works none the less, and still manages to be fun. We would watch a Fright Night II remake if Colin Farrell was on board, which it looks as if he may be...


Part 5 is nearly here...