Sweeping up, Part 6 of 6

We've seen a ton of movies in 2011, reviewed a bunch of them, and yet we still have so many that we never talked about. There's plenty of reasons as to why we don't review certain movies; sometimes we're lazy, sometimes we don't have much to say that tons of other sites haven't said already, and sometimes we just get tired of sounding negative.

So with 2012 rapidly approaching, we're going to take a quick look at some of the movies of 2011 that we've ignored.

These are going to be quick and fairly to the point, although in all fairness, our points may suck. Then again, our points seldom suck.

Final Destination 5- Can we just be honest about this franchise? It needs to stop. Yes, these movies are an excellent source of creative kills and copious amounts of blood and gore, but the pain one must endure to get to those good parts is just too much to bear anymore.

Each time we get an FD sequel, it's a new accident that nearly claims the lives of the perfectly gorgeous groups of stereotype teens, and then it's them running around either clueless that death is right behind them, or racing against time to save each other and stop death.

These flicks remind me of the game Mousetrap. Remember that one? It's this elaborate contraption where you start a marble at one end, and it goes through a series of crazy traps and obstacles that trigger the next one over and over again until your marble reaches the end. It's neat the first couple of times, then it becomes annoyingly repetitive, and you get tired of waiting for the whole thing to unfold, just to see your marble end up in a fucking basket. That's these movies.

The Master Says- C We give FD5 a middle of the road grade only because while we couldn't stand sitting through it, it does delivers the goods that fans have come to expect from the series, and it delivers them very well. If you like creative, graphic and crazy bloody kill scenes, this franchise is for you. If you enjoy not being annoyed, then it is not.

Faces in the crowd- Mila, Mila, Mila, why you do me like thees, Mila! It's bad enough that we have to endure some of the shittiness that is the Resident Evil series (We love those movies, but be honest, some of them are shit), but at least they're entertaining.

This movie? This slow, poorly plotted "thriller?" You don't even get naked in in, Mila!

The insipid plot line involves a woman who witnesses a serial killer's latest murder, and then is struck with some sort of "Facial Blindness" in which people's faces change appearance when she looks away from them...

Yeah. Clever, right? So the whole movie is her looking at people and seeing all sorts of different people and not knowing who anyone is, all the while the killer is closing in on her....

Oooooh.

The Master Says- DO NOT WANT We're sorry to have so shit on a genre flick starring our beloved Mila Jovovich, but good God this one was a suck job. The premise could have worked, as goofy as it was, but it felt cheesy, repetitive and just got boring. It's one of those where you know who the killer is about halfway through, because it's so clumsily scripted.

Trespass- Oh Look, another crappy movie starring Nic Cage... and Cam Gigandet, who we just talked about starring in The Roomate. They honestly have a knack for being in some shit movies, don't they?

At least with cage we can forgive him, because he does the whole "Nic Cage" thing well, and usually entertains us. Like here for example, where he plays a father frantically trying to keep a bunch of home invaders from offing his family, He's good.

Of course the script is so bad, and the movie is so painfully slow and uneventful, that by the time we're 20 minutes or so into things, we stopped caring. It's a dialogue filled "thriller." Seriosuly, they talk, one of the crooks punches or threatents someone, they talk; repeat over and over until the end.

You want to see a good movie in this vein, go rent the Desperate Hours with Mickey Rourke. That's how a movie like this should be done... wait a minute, it already was.

The Master Says- DO NOT WANT After his awesomely schlocky Drive Angry 3D, we have to wonder why Nic cage went back top a snooze fest like this as a follow up. And Nicole Kidman is alive? Jesus, where has she been? Then again, we care as much about that as Tom Cruise might. This movie isn't offensively bad, it's just far too boring and clumsy to be any good.


Now that we've touched briefly on the stragglers that we nearly left behind, our Best/Worst of's can begin.

Best of 2011
Worst of 2011
The Middlin's of 2011
The Top 10 Horror Hottie's of 2010...

Thsi is going to be fun.