Before we start with the movies, it's time for us to give some love to our favorite horror movie fixtures: the Hotties. Sure, some may say they're just window dressing, or pretty faces with dirty bodies, but we say yes, you're absolutely right. Who doesn't love innocent Final Girls with hot asses? Who amongst us can discount a girl with fantastic boobs just because they might suck at acting? And really, don't misguided sluts make the world a better place? Yes. The answer is yes. So celebrate with us the nakedness, bad behavior, girl kissing, random sex, and and dirty whore-like mouths that make our horror world creepy in a whole different way.
This hot ginger is the kind of girl we want to hug, because she seems so sweet, and smack her ass while were hugging her and say "you dirty little bitch, I lub you!" We're very dualistic with our affection. Also, passive aggressive.
Not only is she the hottest eternally-virgin 17 year old vampire of ever in True Blood, but she was dirty hot in Mother's Day too. She's becoming we horror fans' go-to ginger. She just needs to get a little dirtier in her future roles and she'll become an all time classic in no time at all. Maybe smoke and drink a little more. Have some extra naked sex. Kiss other girls more frequently and make it believable. It's always the little things that matter in the biggest of ways.
This sassy blonde captured the hearts of our penis's way back in the day (a few years ago) in Satan's Little Helper, starring as the slutty sister who let Satan go down on her. Then, she made us pee ourselves a little in Amusement, because that clown was scary. This year she gave us an equally stirring performance in Choose, the highlight of which is where she was tied to a bed. So talented.
Why is it the prissy blondes that always seem to have the hardest time slutting it up for us? It's a shame too, because her almost-nakedness and penchant for kissing girls is truly inspiring. Her facial features go well together... a bit too well, don't you think? Especially those lips. Those dirty, dirty lips.
Even though she's a prude that will never get naked because she thinks she's too hot, we can't help but recognize her loin-stirring sassiness. We first worked one out to her in 2009's The Shortcut. She was so wholesome we just couldn't help ourselves. This year though she really upped her horror game with Tucker & Dale vs Evil. I kinda wish she would have banged Tyler Labine on screen though, but that's neither here nor there. Issues, I have them.
She's kinda like the hookery girl next door; you know, the snotty, superficial head cheerleader that is definitely up for some hot backdoor action if you're the team QB, or you look like a half gay Abercrombie model? Yeah, that's her. With Piranha 3DD and Nurse 3-D coming up next year, we can only hope she loses some of her prudish nature and sluts it up bit more.
Our love affair with this woman will NEVER end. Not only does she rock the incredible hotness of an Aussie accent, but look at that mouth. It's the perfect combo of full, lush lips and teeth. Maybe it's just the upper lip, I don't know, but lips are a big deal. Especially to men with questionable morals.
The best thing about Mmmelissa is that she's all about the horror genre. Bag of Bones might have sucked, but A Lonely Place to Die sure didn't. She may have been fully dressed in mountain climbing gear for that one, but she still rocked. Recently, the tabloids are reporting that she's dating 54 year old Russell Simmons, which is kinda sad and creepy, but it proves that she'll pretty much bang anyone, which just makes her all the more hot.
*Disclaimer: For the record, we'd bang a billionaire too if we had the chance, even and old, black and not attractive one like Russell Simmons. Billionaire. That word pretty much cancels out any argument we could possibly mount here, no?
Something about this German schlampe just captivates us. Ok, she might not truly be a schlampe in her off screen life, but we hope she is. In any event, she was plenty schlampy in We are the Night, in which she pretty much just sat around looking pissy, chain smoking, banging random guys and drinking their blood, and even scissor kissing her fellow hot vampire schlampe friends.
Where did this girl come from all of a sudden? Germany, I suppose. Where does she go from here, in addition to our collective spank bank? Hopefully on to more horror projects. She's already got one on the way called 205- Zimmer der Angst, which is a Swedish horror flick. She plays mean and sexy well, and with those eyes... we will definitely be in line to check it out.
Wir lieben Sie, Jennifer!
Oh yeah, there is a part two, and it's right down there...
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