March is Alice Eve month…

She may not have a ton of genre work under her chastity belt yet, but March's Horror Hottie is poised to make Fanboys everywhere drool in their popcorn, this summer and beyond. (*Note, some Fanboys prefer other snacks to popcorn. We don't like to stereotype.)

*Note: This was one of the posts that got lost in what we're calling "The great Blogger new-interface scandal of 2012." We had to redo a bunch of posts from scratch, and so here's one of them.


With the release of ATM, horror fans finally got to call this dirty British bird their own. When we heard that Alice Eve was going to star in ATM, we were truly geeked, mainly because the idea of watching her do some hot ass-to-mouth action for 90 minutes on screen was fantastically brilliant. When we learned that the title ATM had nothing to do with ass-to-mouth, our elation turned to dismay. As sad as that news was to us, we got over the fact that ATM referred to a frigging money machine, and decided it was still nice to see her in one of our movies.

Too bad the ATM in this movie wouldn't allow you do withdraw a decent script.

The hotness of Alice Eve had intrigued us ever since we saw her get naked and bang Ray Liotta in a little movie called Crossing Over. She was really naked in that movie, and she was really good at it. She was even hotter (though way less naked) in She's Out of My League; by this point we knew that we needed to see her as a final girl or even a helpless victim of some kind in a horror movie. We finally got our wish with the release of ATM. Now, ATM was a big letdown for us, but we enjoyed the eye candy. At least it was progress.

Above: The Master blocks our view of Alice's nipple. Below: Ray Liotta is a lucky, lucky man.

Speaking of progress, we next saw this cheeky little tart in The Raven; this movie looked way better than ATM ever had, and it had John Cusack in it, and it was about Edgar Allen Poe, and... it kinda sucked too. So, two sucky horror flicks, but plenty of Alice Eve. I guess you take the good with the bad these days as far as movies are concerned, but man we were really dying to see all of Alice's hotness in a movie that was actually good. Which brings us to Men in Black 3...

"Once upon a midnight dreary, John Cusack had a boner in this scene."

We aren't the biggest fans of the Men in Black movies around here, nor do we usually like the average Will Smith flick (he can't rap for shit either), so of course here's Alice again showing up in another mediocre movie that makes us cringe. What the hell? She's banging hot, she can act fairly well... is she fucking with us?

In this scene from AMC's Mad Men, Betty and Don Draper look on in astonishment as something 1960's-ish happens.

There is hope for her yet though folks, and this hope is great; Alice Eve's next movie just so happens to be a little indie film called STAR TREK 2! J.J. Abrams' 2009 updating of the Star Trek universe was sheer awesomeness, and we have no doubt that the sequel will deliver as well. What we really want to know though is who/what Alice Eve is playing in the movie? Is she a hot, green skinned alien that seduces Kirk, or is she a sexy Klingon that bangs everyone on the ship? Details are being kept secret right now, but we just know she'll be in some form of tight and skimpy costume. That, at least, makes us giddy with anticipation.

Stop acting hun, and just let your tits emote... they'll tell the story. Trust them.

So Alice Eve is getting her feet wet this year with a bunch of genre work. Sure, those movies may have all sucked on different levels, but at least she's trying. At least she's crossed over into our realm, which is all we asked for... and she's welcomed to stay. If she does stay though, she needs to give us some sex scenes and nudity, because we deserve as much. Shes' about as hot as a Horror Hottie can get, but she definitely needs to pick some better flicks to star in.

I Guess we'll see what happens.