Release Date: On DVD & VOD May 29th.
Country: USA
Written by: Ben Powell
Directed by: Steven C. Miller
Starring: Ray Wise, Dana Ashbrook, Derek Mears, Fabienne Therese and Ryan Hartwig.
What do you get when you cast two former Twin Peaks stars, the new Jason Voorhees, a hot and delinquent jailbait chick, a creepy mute kid with anger issues, and the weird kid from Gummo?
You get a pretty good little thriller, that's what.
That is NOT fear in his eyes! |
Yep, that's Bobby from Twin Peaks. He grew up mean. |
Meanwhile, a father moves his family to a remote country house with the promise of a new beginning... hey, wait a minute, does this somehow have to do with the mobster and his missing money? Looks like Daddy is a moron, and his poor, unsuspecting family is about to pay the price for his stupidity.
Aah, the love scene! |
All is not lost though; the family has a secret weapon in the fight against the wily hitmen, and it comes n the form of a silent, unassuming son with anger issues on a massive scale.You see where this is all going, don't you? Four hitmen vs. Anger Boy! To be fair, his sister helps out too, but she mostly just screams while Junior works out the nasty business. The adult version of Home Alone ensues.
If she wasn't returned dirty, someone did it wrong. |
When they run, she jiggles. It added to the tension. |
It took us about 30 minutes to realize that the main killer in the movie was Dana Ashbrook from Twin Peaks. That lucky bastard got to bang Laura Palmer and her hot friend! Anywho, he was pretty convincing as the heavy in this one, and definitely carried his weight. It was also nice to see Derek Mears out of a mask for once while doing his thing. He's quite the menacing figure.
We expected a little more from the silent kid. We kept waiting for the violence to go over the top and to be astonished by the brutality of this cute and innocent looking kid, but it never quite got that crazy. Now don't get us wrong, he was plenty violent and murderous, it just wasn't as "holy shit!" as we thought it would be. It's a fairly small complaint, but we just wanted more.
Kid has issues. |
"Shh, shh... it only hurts the first time. Now bite down!" |
We came so close to seeing Fabienne Therese naked, but alas, a wet, naked back in the shower is all that we got. There's some side boob involved too, but whatever. It was all a teasing cop out!
Wet and scared, that's our favorite kind. |
Fabienne Therese is a hot little banger, and we can't wait to see more of her in John Dies at the End. It's really odd when we look at her name though, because all we see is "Fabreze" only with an "s" instead of a "z." We're kinda hoping that's her street name. If it's not, it should be.
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