Silent Night (2012)- A Picture Book Review

(aka Everyone's Getting Coal This Year!)
Release Date: On DVD/BD now.
Country: Canada and USA.
Written by: Jayson Rothwell.
Directed by: Steven C. Miller.
Starring: Jamie King, Malcom McDowell, Donal Logue and Santa.

I almost hesitated to post this review right now, because over the weekend we saw enough senseless slaughter in Newtown, CT, and it just felt poorly timed.

After thinking it over for a few days, I decided that it's just a movie, and that it really bears no relation to a horrific school shooting, and so here it is.

Sill, we're going to keep this one quick and light, just for the sake of posterity.

Why would Santa put that ass in a wood chipper? Why!

Silent Night is a very loose remake of the 1984 horror classic, Silent Night, Deadly Night. In all reality this "remake" only shares half of a title and a few references with the original movie, so maybe homage is a more appropriate descriptor, if one is even needed.

It also has a guy in a Santa Suit running around a small town on Christmas Eve and killing people, so there's that too.

Silent Night isn't the most sound of films, and to be honest the script is a mess and some of the acting is definitely on the cheesy side of things, but that's hardly the point. This movie exists to show some cool kills scenes using practical FX, and in that respect, this movie is aces.

Director Steven C. Miller isn't reinventing the wheel here, he's just out to entertain us. We loved Miller's other 2012 horror offering, The Aggression Scale, and if you've seen that movie, then you know he's capable of doing a serious and solid flick. To go the serious route with a movie like this might be the wrong way to go. The idea of a "Killer Santa" definitely illicits a "What? LOL" sort of a resonse rather than an "OMG, that sounds truly terrifying!" one. Silent Night is played for fun, and it delivers plenty of it.

So let's take a quick peek at Silent Night, in our Trademarked (?!?) Picture Book Format! (Don't blame us for our nonsensical claims, we're drunk off of eggnog.)

"It must be the most wonderful time of year, because it looks like Old Saint Nick is near!"

The townsfolk are definitely getting into the Christmas spirit...

... by shooting porn?

"Ho, ho, ho! Looks like someone's been naughty!"

"Into Santa's magical wood chipper with you, bitch!"

"But I wanted new shoes!" 

"LOL, whores don't get presents!"

I wonder who will be next on Santa's naughty list?

Looks like it's going to be Ho, Ho, Ho and Ho!

"That's not a candy cane!"

If Santa's not coming, then no one is!

She's not naked = not as good as the original scene.

But Santa, what about the Reverend?

... and the good-hearted Deputy?

"Ho, ho , ho, I've got something for them too!"

The good kids, however, get bloody candy canes. Awww.

Silent Night isn't a perfect movie, but is sure as hell is a fun one. It's nice to see a good old fashioned slasher come along these days, to relieve us from all of our Found Footage blues. If you're looking for a bloody, messy horror flick filled with naked women and Christmas Cheer, then look no further than Silent Night. It's our new cheesy B-Movie fave for the Holiday's. Well, aside from Thankskilling, of course. B+

Silent Night is crammed full of all sorts of Hotties that surely belong on Santa's Naughty List, and for that, we are thankful.