Beneath the Darkness (2012)

"Why did this movie feel like a tame Lifetime movie of the week? Because it basically was."

Beneath the Darkness is the story  of a gang of dumb kids that break into Dennis Quaid's house, because they think he's creepy and up to something. Or that he has ghost roommates or something. Either way, they break in, Quaid gets his creep on and kills one of the kids, and the rest of the kids set out to prove that he's a murdering fuck. And also creepy.

All teenagers do a little B&E from time to time.

Now, this plot could have been fun, and Quaid is good here, playing the Uber-Creeper that he does, but the movie just lacked bite. Why couldn't it have pushed the envelope a bit more, you know? Like give us some teen promiscuity, or a few bloody kill scenes? I mean, it's not without its decent points; we get some disturbing necrophilia plot points, and some kinda tense sneaking around scenes, but not much else. For an audience to feel terror, don't the antagonists have to pose some danger to the protagonists? Half a rewrite of this script adding in some actual horror elements would have made this decent, and maybe even good. And the ending... well, we LOL'd.

Those are some seriously rapey eyes.

Dennis Quaid seems to always show up in some lackluster movies, doesn't he? Don't get me wrong, we like him around here, but it's just odd that most of his movies are kinda lame. We do love how he isn't afraid to star i some genre flicks, as the past few years have seen him pop up in various horror & genre movies (This one, Pandorum, Legion, Horsemen, etc..) At least he gives a damn about us horror fans!

I'm pretty sure Aimee Teegarden's lips are made from sin and dreams. Also, so are her boobs. She's a serious hottie, though she seems one of those actresses destined to play it safe, because you know, they think they're artists or something. She may well be an arteest, but listen, you're only young and hot once babe, so make dirty hay while the pervy sun shines, alright? They're only tits, so unleash them and maybe win an award for service to mankind.

The Master Says- D We hate to be so harsh on our boy Dennis Quaid,but this movie just left us cold, and not just because it's the middle of Winter either. It really did feel like a made for TV movie, and that's a shame. Give it a rent if you like mild, by the numbers teen trouble movies, but don't say we didn't warn you.

Final Thoughts- Aimee Teegarden is shedding her baby fat and fast becoming a true hottie. We have to admit though, we never found her baby fat not hot. Maybe it's our fetish.